That Fresh Pine Scent

I was speaking with a friend of mine and she said something very interesting…  she said, “For every guy who’s pining away… there’s a girl who wishes he wouldn’t.”  I thought this was hilarious because I think that most guys believe they’re pretty discreet about showing that kind of thing.  They think they’re being pretty stealthy when in reality I guess they’re “fishing with hand grenades” so to speak.  Initially I was thinking – wow, how harsh is that?  I thought that there must be some women out there who don’t mind that sort of thing.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized why this may be so.

Here’s my theory which is based on two assumptions.  One is that most women are pretty cued into that intangible feeling of knowing how someone else feels about them.  And two, most guys are pretty oblivious to both how they are perceived and how their behavior is affecting other people.

I base my assumptions on observations I’ve made that women could be sitting at a table with 8 other people and at the same time be having a vicious non-verbal fight with another woman sitting on the other side of the table.  Sometimes the other women at the table sense the tension, but most of the guys are too busy scarfing down buffalo wings to care.  And how many of us guys have been told we’re insensitive jerks for doing or saying something that hurt someone’s feelings when we had no idea that our words would be taken that way.

So with that in mind…  I think that if a guy has been pining away for some girl for a while, it’s because deep inside he knows that it’s probably not gonna happen.  Mostly they say that they’re just “waiting” for the right time.  But here’s why I think that the “right time” won’t come to most of them…  because she probably already knows.  This is because most guys, unless they have little to no interaction with the girl or they are prohibitively shy, are pretty obvious about it – at least from the girl’s perspective.  They’re either doing the “hover” or are extra nice to just that one girl.  Another reason could be that if the guy has told more than… let’s say 4 other guys OR just 2 other women… word has somehow gotten back to them.  People just like to talk.  The only way she may not be sure is if she’s interested in the guy as well… then emotions and all that jazz gets in the way of rational observation, but even then, I think that they still know deep down inside.

So why is the fact that she knows pivotal?  Think about it.  If she were actually interested in the guy, she’d probably make it easier for him to interact with her or simply be more receptive to his clumsy attempts at romantic gestures.  Despite what most men have been led to believe, women are usually the ones who have complete control of the courting process (remind me to write more about this later).  But if she’s not interested in the guy, it’s going to be “red light” all the way.  This is where the poor guy is stuck at the “intersection of love” waiting for that light to turn green when it never will.  But guys being guys, will keep at it… pining away and thinking “if I’m nicer to her, she’ll eventually see me for the stud I am.”  Silly rabbit…

I know what you may be saying… “well, I don’t think that she knows I’m interested…”  Well, that’s actually not a good thing because it would confirm the fact that she’s not interested in you.  Because, again, if she were interested, she would probably be watching everything you do like a hawk, wondering if every little thing you do or say to her has some sort of significance and in response, again, not put up a “red light.”  But if she’s oblivious, she probably thinks about you as much as she thinks about clipping her toenails.

So here’s some advice from someone who’s “been there, done that…”

If you’re a guy and you’ve been pining away for more than 6 months and you’re no closer to dating this girl than before, forget about it.  It’s not gonna happen.  She’s probably secretly wishing you would stop.  Find a hobby, do some landscaping, or volunteer for community service projects…

Ladies, give these guys a break.  It’s not their fault that they were blinded by your charms and are not thinking of how you may feel in response (or NOT feel, I should say).

An interesting side-note… ladies, if you’ve been pining away for some guy, he’s probably clueless about it.  This is not to say guys are stupid… just that they’re not as sensitive about that stuff.  He may be a little better clued in if he’s interested in you – but you’d probably already know that, though you’re probably being cautious and not getting your hopes up.  I guess you should trust your instincts, they’re probably more right than wrong.  But, I guess in a similar manner, if things aren’t progressing, there’s probably a disconnect somewhere.  So as a corollary to my friend’s statement, I would say… “for every girl who’s pining away…. there’s a guy who is thinking about a cheesesteak sandwich”