WOW, Free Random Stranger Money!

Well, I got one of those scam emails that I’m sure everyone gets about money locked in an account somewhere in Africa.  Man, you’d think that with so much money locked up there, they’d do something like invest it and use the interest to do something good with it.  So I decided to write this one back… below is his terrific offer email to me and then my reply back to him.

Dear Kim,
 
My name is Frank kone a Banker and accountant in Cote Ivoire.I am contacting you in regards to a business transfer of a large sum of money from a dormant account. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day.

I am the personal accounts manager to the late Engr lake a National of your country, who used to work with an oil servicing company here in Cote Ivoire.My client, his wife, and their three children were involved in the ill fated Kenya Airways crash in the coasts of Abidjan in January 2000 in which all passengers on board died. Since then I have made several inquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but has been unsuccessful.

After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his last name over the internet,to see if I could locate any member of his family hence I contacted you.Of particular interest is this huge deposit with our bank here in my country Cote Diviore,where the deceased has an account valued at about ($16 million US dollars).They have issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or our  bank will declare the account unservisable and thereby send the funds to the bank treasury.
 
Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over last 7 years now, I will seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account valued at ($16million US dollars) can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money.

All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through.I guarantee that this will be executed under all legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.

In your reply mail, I want you to give me your full names, address, date of birth, telephone and fax numbers.If you can handle this with me, reach me  for more details.

Thanking you for your anticipated cooperation.

Sincerely,
Frank kone.

Dear Mr. Kone,

I’m so sorry to hear of Mr. Engr Lake’s sudden demise, but I’m not sorry to hear that he has such a stash of hash for me to cash.  $16 million is a lot of cabbage, my friend… a lot of cabbage.

The laws in Cote d’Ivoire must be pretty lax for you to be able to give that money to everyone who has the same last name as the deceased.  Imagine if someone from Korea with a lot of money died in your country, all the Kim’s you’d find in an internet search would wind up making you give $1 to each of them.  I’m glad my last name is not so common.

In fact, I think I remember Engr from when I was a kid.  Uncle Joe was so angry that he decided to marry outside of the family religion.  We Wicans are dwindling at an alarming rate.  But Uncle Joe put a hex on him… perhaps that was the reason for the ill-fated flight.

I don’t really need $16 million right now because I already have an insanely huge bank account with money that’s just sitting there not doing anything.  How I wish that someone would approach me with a get-rich-quick investment opportunity, because we Americans don’t like waiting.  But let’s talk.  Cousin Engr would have wanted it that way.

My full name is:  Gojum Pina Lake
My address is: 
5050 Chance Lane
Kointoss, MD  21033
My date of birth is:  04/01/69
My telephone is:  410-381-1012

I do not have a fax machine.  It is strictly forbidden in my religion to transmit pictures over the phone.

I hope to be hearing from you soon… I’ll be missing you.

XOXOXO,
Gojum Pina Lake