For my birthday a few years ago a friend gave me a beverage can holder (otherwise known as a “koozie“) that had printed on it “I’m not insensitive, I just don’t care.” I thought it was hilarious and also that he knew me pretty well. It has been sitting prominently on my desk at work ever since. I know he meant it as a joke, but you know what they say about a grain of truth in every joke…
Yesterday, we had a special meeting at work for “Sensitivity Training,” which is just a euphemism for “Our Annual Sexual Harassment and Racial Discrimination Lawsuit Avoidance Seminar.” In it we were trained on how to not offend people by what we say, do, or wear (or not wear). The funny thing was that since we’re a branch office, we were only conference called in and had the phone on mute… and during the meeting everyone in the room was actually making off-color comments and giggling when the lawyer from corporate on the other end of the line would say stuff like… “tit for tat” or “getting down to the nuts and bolts…” So I think it’s rather ironic that probably the time most likely for something that can bring a lawsuit to happen is actually during our “Sensitivity Training” meeting.
But I wonder… can you really be trained to be more sensitive? I think that people who are generally insensitive can learn to avoid doing insensitive things… but just because they want to avoid all the fallout that comes with it. I don’t think that you can be easily rewired to feel things you just don’t feel.
Like me, I don’t generally miss people. To me, out of sight, out of mind. I’ve just always been this way. I don’t think that I can learn to miss people. I haven’t seen my parents in months. Do I love them? Of course. Do I sit here sighing because I don’t see them? No. Am I a heartless bastard? Eh, maybe…
Last night I had a dream. In it I’m with a few friends when someone walks in and says that another one of my friends just died. I asked how it happened, and he said that a ceramic owl fell on her head. After the initial shock, I pictured in my head what happened and I actually started to chuckle. Horrified that I could laugh at a time like that, I immediately forced myself to stop and actually forced myself to cry. After a few seconds of that, I felt a wave of sadness sweep over me. Then I woke up… relieved that my friend was not sent to the grave by a falling bird of prey made of clay.
Funny thing is… when I was younger, I think I was one of the most sensitive souls I knew. Maybe the world is hardening me. Maybe the idea of being an idealist is finally wearing itself out in me. Who knows.
In my kitchen I have a small dry-erase board on my refrigerator. On it I have my grocery shopping list. One day a “friend” decided to add an item to my list – a heart. I have yet to erase it.
… and since then others have taken the liberty to add a few more things… like “a brain” and “a smaller ego”… sheesh… everyone’s a comedian.
Haha. This reminds me of an episode from “The Office”. And I agree with you on how people can’t suddenly learn to become more sensitive. They just always were or always weren’t.
I think after some reasoning as to why one should be sensitive, one might feel a slight pang of whatever, as you did in your dream. I ran over a cat or some kinda huge rodent, and my initial thought was “Yuck! bloody tires”..then a few seconds after I realized I just killed a living creature, I thought “Aw, poor cat.” Call it selective sensitivity?
Either that or “stupid cat” he shouldn’t have crossed the interstate.
Maybe you should add a ceramic shotgun to your list. Protect your friend!
The ceramic owl thing is so win that you MUST have made that up. All the same, it’s quite hilarious.
Something for the refrigerator list:”The Wizard of Oz”You know, hearts, brains, being real and all. And a lot of midgets for sensitivity training testing.
i would cry if you died, nathon! 😉 have a nice day!
Yeah, this definitely reminds of an episode of “The Office.” Oh how ironic, it was titled the same thing: Sensitivity Training. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!Ceramic Owl? Nice…Wait, why would your company conference call something like that? We had to take an online training course, and they tested us at the end of it.
I don’t think you should be too hard on yourself. Every time we have to say goodbye to one more person (either eternally or just for an earthly period of time) we learn a few more skills regarding loss and coping. Maybe you’re just an expert at dealing with it. In which case I’d say, “Well done, sir.”
people say that i make friends easily. it’s true, too. i make friends everywhere i go. but i also lose them just as easily; i do not get emotionally attached and i definitely do not miss easily. i’m just like you… out of sight, out of mind typa gal. the gentleman whom i’m dating goes away on business trips quite frequently. do i want to see him when he’s gone? sure. do i miss him? sure. but the feeling doesn’t nag at me to the point where i sulk in my room thinking of him. i adapt to new environment quite fast.a lot of my friends call me a cold, heartless bitch, and i KNOW i am, but those who really know me also know that i have a human side. it takes a lot for them to witness that side of me…in any case, i too used to be sensitive… but the world robbed me of my ideal nature… it has hardened my heart and now i am left jaded.
I know exactly what you mean. When my friend moved away, I honestly didn’t really care that much….. I wasn’t that close to her, but still. I feel extremely heartless sometimes.
If one of my freinds told me another fired had died by a clay bird hitting his head. I’d laugh too. I’d most likely cry 5 min. afterward, but not right away.
you are an unfeeling monster. jp. hahaha. btu thats funny the sensitivity training…everything is so politically correct these days.
do u want to go out,how old are u,if u are 18 than no cause i am 16.